memories

I count the memories I have of you
and print them deep inside my mind
afraid one day they might slip through
and fall where I can’t find them

 

I hold them tight and cherish them
of you that’s all I have left
I dig them up and swim in them
I feel I drown under the heft

 

I scratch and search and drink
every last drop of recollection
a painful thirst that makes me sink
at the bottom of a confession

 

in death I love you as much as in life
now that you died my love only grows
with pictures of you my heart is rife
all the blood to my brain flows

 

too much to sift in one phone call
I just want to hang up and cry
leaning my head against the wall
I need to find out the how and the why

 

sleep next to me and keep me warm
you make me sleep until so late
even if outside there’s a storm
under the blanket we sit and wait

 

even the sky is simmering
and cries for you with us
grieving thunders are pouring
down onto earth thus

 

drunken with pain I fall asleep
waking up I soon realize
you no longer are nor leap
over the lows or the highs

 

you suffered with us together
when times were hard and dire
your soul as light as a feather
leaves in our hearts a fire

 

I wonder the moment you let go
and peacefully you passed away
tears soak regrets that grow
and in the night they weigh

 

it hurts to know that you are gone
it hurts to know you won’t greet me
again when I come home
jumping against my knee

 

I will miss you you will be missed
the house is now an empty shell
I left and your forehead I kissed
I can still feel your smell

 

Newton
21st June 2023